DUCT Tape fixes everything, right? As a Do It Yourselfer, I keep it handy but sometimes you need it to fix yourself. So grab a roll and tear off a nice chunk for your mouth! Yes, duct tape for your mouth. No, it’s not a Catholic school punishment for cussing. If it is, I’d better buy a multi pack! But no, it’s for the mouth of our inner naysayer. That voice in our head that holds us back from being awesome. It needs to be silenced.
We all have those voices in our head. Those voices that began, often in childhood and tell us we are no good. Voices that say things like – you’re stupid, you’re fat, you’re too skinny, you’re too old, you’re not educated enough, you’ll never get into that college, or the worst of them, that no one will ever love you. Sadly, for many of us, those comments are not just coming from inside our heads. They came from the people who were supposed to protect us, inspire us and elevate us – our parents, teachers and friends. Those words can play over and over again in our heads for days even decades, until we believe them. It’s like a 45 stuck on the turntable. (You millennials may have no idea what a turntable is. Google it!)
Throughout our impressionable and developmental years, we hear lots of words that shape who we are and who we will become. Yet, despite any positive words that were sent our way, we often fixate on the negative. The challenge is, as an adult, to not let those words that others have thrust upon our ego DEFINE us.
It’s true that we can only control what others say about us and to us to a point. We have to be open to constructive criticism but we can limit our exposure to toxic situations and people that bring harsh, painful negativity, even when it comes from family. Believe me, I’ve been there, and it hurts like hell. Those unhealthy memories feel like a band-aid being ripped off a raw, open wound. Over time, things hurt less. But that lingering scar, physical or emotional, reminds us of the poison we were served, how we survived it and the need to keep it locked in the medicine cabinet with a Mr. Yuck sticker on it!
Although the scars from unkind words never leave us, we DO have control over what we tell ourselves. I know it’s not easy. I have spent four years developing HIP Chicks and in December I was ready to call it quits. The inner critic got too vocal. I questioned this, “Who the hell am I to think I can or deserve to… be on TV, build a national platform, inspire other women, or (insert gasp) be paid well for the knowledge, skill and guts I bring to the table? So my new internal dialogue is “Who the hell was Martha Stewart or Rachael Ray?” The answer – Women with an idea, a vision, some talented people to guide them and determination to go after what they wanted. There’s room at the top and I am going after my place in the world too, with duct tape in hand, just in case I need it.
I am done listening to that inner voice who says “you can’t”. We all need to stop engaging in the volley of disparaging and self-deprecating words in our own head. Isn’t the real world harsh enough? Don’t you deserve to have a little safe haven away from the haters, the narcissists and the jealous? YOU most certainly do. It’s time to tell your inner critic to sit down and shut up! Then slap a chunk of tape over his or her mouth, because you’re ready to make a impression on the world and there just ain’t enough room in your head for the both of you.
